NOMINATED
It couldn’t hurt to ask, right?
She didn’t slap me the last time I brought it up.
I think it would be in my best interest to ask. Just so I can get the whole thing out of my head.
It’s been bothering me all day long since the moment our conversation ended with her dismissing me. I made the wise crack about her equipment and she didn’t deny having any. I mean, you accuse me of doing something or owning something that’s completely not true, and the first thing I would do is deny it.
Like let’s say Sam comes up to me and says, “Hey, Josh, I heard you enjoy dressing up like a girl and skipping through fields of daisies.”
The first thing I would do is deny it. Well, first I’d actually ask Sam where the hell he heard that. Then I’m thinking I might just hit him. But definitely the third thing I would do is deny it.
So, this is why I have to bring it up again.
You can’t bring it up again, you idiot.
THUD
That would be my head hitting my desk. I’ve done it a number of times in the past hour or two. I’m pretty sure there’s a black and blue forming on my forehead.
“Josh, what the hell are you doing?”
I look up to see Donna roaming around my office, picking up files off the floor and placing them on my desk. “You know, most assistants would show more concern for their boss if they walked in to find them with their head on their desk.”
“It’s a good thing I’m not most assistants then, huh?”
“I have my head down on my desk for a reason. I may have passed out. I may be suffering from a massive headache. A random boomerang flying through the West Wing may have hit me. A little concern on your part would be appreciated.”
She throws a file in front of me and puts her hands on her hips. “Oh, Josh, are you okay? Did you pass out?”
“I don’t like your mocking tone.”
“Josh, why is your head on the desk? Gee…..I hope you don’t have a headache.”
“No, but I’m getting one now.”
“Josh, have you seen my boomerang? I threw it when I was in Sam’s office but it didn’t come back to me. I really hope it didn’t hit something.”
“Go home now.”
“Seriously,” she starts arranging the post-it notes scattered around my desk into one single neat file. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing.”
“C’mon,” she grabs the chair next to my computer and plops down into it. “Spill it, Josh.”
I wish she’d go away so I could bang my head against my desk again. Because when she’s not near me I can bang my head against my desk in peace and my big mouth doesn’t get me into trouble. When she’s around I can’t help but endlessly babble.
“Donna, something has been bothering me all day.”
See, and here I go. There’s no stopping me now.
“Mexico?”
“No,” I shake my head, “not Mexico. Remember, though, when we were arguing about Frank Kelly and I brought up the subject about you and your possible - -“
“Josh!” Her eyes grow wide.
“What?”
“This is about me and my - -” she looks out my office door, looks back to me, and leans forward. “About my equipment?”
“You mean you actually have some?” I may have sounded a bit too eager there.
“That is what’s bothering you?”
“I guess.”
“No,” she looks somewhat offended, “I do not.”
“Cause Donna, you know, in this day and age it’s just fine for a woman to own these sorts of things.”
“And what makes you so knowledgeable on this topic, Josh? Past experience with other women?”
I’m now shifting uncomfortably in my chair. I hate loosing control of the conversation like that. “I never said that.”
“Cause Josh, you know, in this day and age,” she says, mocking my voice. “It’s just fine for a man to be into that kind of thing.”
“I know.”
She grins “So, are you?”
I’d like to state for the record that she was just as eager with her response and I previously was with mine.
“No!”
“Oh,”
I’m not to sure if that, ‘oh’ meant, ‘Oh, good, because you’re my boss and that would just be so wrong.” Or, ‘Oh, too bad, because I’d really like for you to come over and take a tour of my love dungeon.’
I’m sure it was the first thing. Right?
Now we’re just staring at each other. Myself, sitting here and wondering what the hell my big mouth has gotten me into now. She’s probably contemplating if she should take the metro or a cab to her lawyer’s office to file her sexual harassment suit.
“If you really want to know, sometimes I watch porn.”
Cabs are a pain to get this time of day. Maybe I’ll suggest the metro is her best bet.
Wait; did she just say something about porn?
“Excuse me, Donna?”
“You know,” she rolls her eyes, “adult films.”
“Huh?”
“X rated movies.”
“What?” At least I think I just said that. Usually your mouth has to be closed to actually speak.
“Josh! Stop it!”
“Hold on, you’re telling me you rent porno?”
“Well, I don’t actually - -”
“Do I have to remind you that you work for the President of the United States? I really don’t think you should be running down to your local Blockbuster to rent ‘Honey I Blew Everything.’” Suddenly, concern for our jobs is my main priority. Don’t ask why. She’s talking to me about porno. I should be encouraging this rather than discouraging.
“First of all Josh, I don’t think they rent out porno at Blockbuster. Second, how dumb do you think I am? I don’t rent it. My roommate - -”
I sit up in my chair. “Oh my god! Your roommate rents porno and you watch them together?”
“No!” I slump down again. I knew that mental image was too good to be true. “She doesn’t rent it either. What I was trying to say is that we get all the cable stations, including pay per view channels.”
“All the cable channels, Donna?”
“Yes, we. . . .”
“You do know that that’s totally illegal.”
“Josh, it’ not like I’m shredding the president’s tax returns. My roommate has a cousin named Lou who got us all hooked up for ninety five dollars.” She smiles. “Good deal, huh?”
“Yeah, make sure you tell the grand jury about the family discount Lou got you.”
“Oh, you’re just jealous because you don’t get twenty four hour porn.”
What human being with a penis isn’t jealous of that?
“Am not.”
“And it’s not like I’m sitting at home every night watching Sperminator Part IV.”
“Why the hell not?”
“Josh,”
“Free porn, Donna,” I point a finger at her. “You have unlimited porn for a one time low price of ninety five dollars. That is every man’s dream.”
“That says something about the male population of this country.” She stands up. “I’m going home now Josh.”
“No,” I jump up. “You gotta tell me about the porn.”
“No I don’t,” she starts to walk off.
I run around the other side of the desk to cut her off. “Just tell me how often you watch.”
“Please. . . “
“And what you’re wearing when you watch.”
“Josh,” she pushes me aside and walks out of the office. “Go home.”
“But there’s no free porn at my house.” I call after her.
“Then just take a really long cold shower.” She yells back before exiting the bullpen.
I’m pretty sure that’s definitely on my agenda for the evening.
* * * * *
Ever notice how you can have over eighty channels and there’s still not a thing worth watching? Seriously, over eighty and not a thing I want to see. They’ve got cable networks dedicated to Golf, crafting, and the ever popular all fishing station. And still not a damn thing to watch. Not that I really ever expect to find a riveting drama on the all fishing network.
I’ve settled on a Behind the Music on VH1. I think it’s about Poison. Maybe Def Leopard. I don’t know, one of those hair bands where all the members now have potbellies and really bad skin. And is it just me, or have they all been in a car accident at least once in their lives? I think if we could get rid of all these hair bands then we’d find a major drop in motor vehicle accidents in the United States.
The phone startles me out of my growing plans of highway safety. Not to mention lowering pollution when the hair bands and their aerosol cans of hair gook are gone.
“Hello,”
“Talk dirty to me.”
Although, I can easily say I’ve never heard him speak that very sentence to me, I can recognize that voice anywhere.
“Josh, I think you hit the wrong speed dial button again. Remember, Sam is number four and I’m number three.” I laugh at my little funny. We all know he’s not going to.
“I wasn’t phoning Sam.”
“Talk dirty to me? You really know how to charm the girls, Josh.”
“Are you watching it?”
“Watching what?”
He groans. “Talk dirty to me. Its on channel sixty three right now.”
He’s still hung up on this porno idea. Not that that’s necessarily a bad thing. “Josh, please tell me you didn’t order a porno from pay per view. Someone is going to find out through your bill and I’m going to be getting a ton of phone calls asking why you were ordering ‘The Sixty Ninth Sense’ rather than ‘One Hundred and One Cheerleaders.’”
“No, I didn’t order it Donna.”
“How do you know about it?”
“I was looking through the TV Guide and I just happened to notice that it was on.”
“You’re reading pay per view porn movie summaries? That’s so pathetic.”
“It is not.”
“Josh, you’re two steps away from turning it on to see if you can get a scrambled picture of it.”
He’s silent. Oh, God, tell me he didn’t.
“Josh. . . .”
“What?”
“Please tell me you didn’t actually - -”
“You get the audio that way, Donna.”
“Josh, you know, we now live in the age of the Internet. I’m sure you can just log on to your computer and instantly find a ton of free porn.”
“They all make you become a member to see the good stuff. Seriously, Donna, are you watching it?”
“No, I’m not, Josh. I told you that I occasionally watch. It’s not like every day I leave work and come home to a world of free porn.”
“You really should. It’s like the free coffee they offer in the mess. You gotta take advantage of these situations.”
Sometimes I wonder if he’s in his late thirties or still eighteen. “Josh, didn’t I suggest you take a cold shower?”
“I already took two.”
Really? Huh. “Didn’t help?”
“No.”
“And now you’re desperate for porn and looking for me to provide a running commentary for you?”
“Basically, yes.”
I pause to think for a second. He couldn’t possibly be serious about this, could he? It’s just Josh being Josh. I mean, not that I could or would. Well, maybe. “I’m afraid I’m already involved in watching something else.”
“The Motley Crue Behind the Music will be on again next week”
“How did you know that was what I was watching?”
“Because I know you. Now, listen to the summary they have for the movie. A young beautiful girl is originally bothered by phone calls from a sexually charged man but - -”
“Sounds familiar.”
“But,” he continues, ignoring my last comment, “she eventually cannot resist his charm. Sounds good, right?”
“Yeah, I’m sure it will be getting the nod at the Oscars this year.”
“It stars Allison Diamond,”
“Allison Diamond?”
“Yes, and it’s spelled A-L-L-Y-S-I-N.”
“I’m sure it’s spelled exactly the same way on her birth certificate.”
“Donna?”
“What Josh?”
“Turn it on!”
“Josh, did you really think I would do a play by play of porn for you? You thought you’d just get that demanding voice like when you want me to find a file or call a Senators’ office, and I’d actually do it.”
“No.”
See, told you he didn’t actually mean it. “Good.”
“But did it work?”
“Nope.”
“Damn.”
“You gave a valiant effort though, Josh.”
“Hey, it was a lot more fun than calling Sam and asking him if his fridge was running. Oh, and by the way, Donna. . . .”
“Yeah?”
He laughs. “What are you wearing?”
“I’m hanging up on you now.”
“Goodnight, Donnatella. Donnatella? You know, I think you missed your calling. That’s a great name for a porn star.”
“Go away, Dirk.”
“Dirk? You promise to call me that at work tomorrow?”
I groan. “Goodbye.”
“Night.”
I start to laugh as I put down the phone.
Then I quickly turn the TV to channel sixty-three.
What? Like anyone doubts I was going to.
* * * * *
I’m up to cold shower number four. I’m very luck there isn’t a shortage of water in the DC area. I’d be so screwed.
Bad choice of words there. I’m definitely far from screwed. Well, unless we count what I did in shower number three.
I’m now pacing my apartment. This is what I do when I’m frustrated. Especially sexually frustrated. Is it fair that I get to be here, horny as hell, with no porno when Donna has it at her disposal whenever she wants it?
More importantly, I’m here horny as hell without Donna at my disposal. She’s watching porn right now and I’m pacing my apartment like a dog in heat.
And don’t tell me she’s not watching it at this very moment. We all know she turned it on the second we hung up. The idea of Donna watching porno is what brought on shower number three and what I did while in there.
When I phoned her, I was phoning as a joke. Well, at least I thought I was. I’m still pretty sure I was calling as a joke. Although, it would have been nice. . . .No, I definitely wasn’t serious about the whole thing.
Who am I kidding? I wanted Donna to bring a new meaning to the phrase ‘reach out and touch someone’ and we all know it.
There. . . .confession is so good for the soul. If not any of our other body parts.
The phone is ringing. Perhaps it’s the local parish priest ready to forgive me of my sins. Although, being Jewish I find this very unlikely.
I run over the couch and garb the phone off the end table. “Hello.”
“Her boobs are really big and really fake.”
Forgive me father for I have sinned.
“How do you know they’re fake?”
“Please, Josh, no one has boobs that perky and big that aren’t fake.”
“Perky, huh?”
“Please,”
I sprawl out on the couch and throw my legs up on the coffee table. “So, are you enjoying it more than the Motley Crue Behind the Music?”
“Not really. I mean, all it consists of are these completely unrealistic sex scenes.”
“Unrealistic?”
“These guys have sex over and over in the same scene. Plus they never worry about contraception. I think assuming a woman is on birth control is not exactly safe. And these women orgasm every single time. We all know that’s completely impossible.”
“Well, maybe you know that’s impossible but from my own experience- -”
“Shut up.”
“So. . . .give me the basic plot.”
“Josh, it’s a porno. There is no basic plot. From what I understand there’s a chick named Sydney and this guy named Ted. Ted is a heavy breather who keeps on phoning Sydney. Eventually she starts to talk back and he gets off by listening to her over the phone.”
“Really?”
“Yes,” she pause, “then they finally meet face to face. Well, I shouldn’t say face to face. Their faces weren’t the main part of their bodies we were supposed to be concentrating on. They meet and they just do it over and over at his beach house.”
“His beach house? This guy is a heavy breather and he can afford a beach house?”
“That’s exactly what I was thinking. He has this huge house. I mean, huge. I know because they did it all over the place. They did it in the pool, they did it beside the pool, in the living room, in the kitchen two times, and once on the stairs. They’ve apparently never heard of a bed. And oh my god. . . .”
“Oh my God what?” The way she said that is almost enough to have me running to shower with the phone.
“The positions they do it in are amazing.”
Forget the shower. Someone just douse with a glass of water. “You care to share, Donna?”
“Well, I don’t know if I can.” She’s going about this so calmly. I’m about to explode and she’s summarizing a porno to me like it’s an episode of Seinfeld. “I mean, Josh, they just did it so many different ways. I didn’t know the human body could actually do that many things. And she just kept on screaming. The girl was so damn loud.”
“Why, you aren’t?”
I cannot believe I just asked that.
“No, I’m usually pretty loud.”
And I cannot believe she just answered.
I quickly stand up. I’ve got to start pacing again.
“Josh, you still there?”
“Uh-huh,” I somehow manage to mutter.
“Well, I just wanted to let you know about the movie.”
“And I thank you for that Donna.” As does the water supply through the entire DC area. “You didn’t seem too impressed with it, though.”
“Well, I guess there were a couple parts I liked.”
I almost drop the phone. “Ummm. . . . really? Like what?
She’s silent for a moment. “What are you doing right now, Josh?”
“I’m walking around my apartment. Why?”
“Just wondering. Josh, when you phoned me earlier you weren’t really serious about. . .”
“No,” I did not just say that. We’re going to pretend I did not just say that. What we’re going to imagine is that I just said something so charming and intelligent that she can’t resist me and is forced to say horribly dirty things into my ear until I’m satisfied. Cause after all, isn’t that what every woman wants to do after you say something charming and intelligent?
“Okay, I was just making sure you weren’t serious about me telling you about the movie.”
I guess Donna doesn’t get what I meant about the whole pretending thing. “No. . .I was serious. I mean, if you want to. . .not that I expect you to, but I guess it would be nice. . .you know, whatever.”
Like I said, charming and intelligent.
“Are you still standing up?”
“Yeah, why?”
“I think you should sit down.”
“Why are you so concerned about whether I sit of stand?”
“Just sit down, Joshua.” She has this command and power in her voice that I’ve never heard from her before. It almost makes me sit my ass right down in the middle of my kitchen floor. However, I don’t think that’s what she has in mind. At least I hope not.
“Where should I sit?”
“I think you should lie down on your bed.”
“Well, Donna, you just told me to sit and now you’re telling me to lie down. If we’re going to play this little game I really think you should get your - -”
“Just get on the god damn bed, Josh.”
I get from my kitchen to my bedroom in record time. In between my kitchen and my room there is a hall, the living room, and then another long hall. I think I make it from my starting point to my destination in about eight seconds. “Okay,” I say, sprawling across my bed and throwing my head against my pillow, “I’m here.”
There’s silence from the other end. She’s tricked me into this whole thing and now she’s hung up on me. She taped this entire conversation and is going to play it back for Sam tomorrow. I bet this was all his idea.
“Josh?”
Or maybe she’s still there and just really nervous. I have no clue why. I’m sure this is something we both do every day.
“You okay, Donna?”
“I think.”
“So, tell me about the part of the movie that you liked.”
“I like. . . .I liked the part where she was talking to him over the phone and he was getting off.”
Good Christ. Her voice is raspy and low. I haven’t even touched myself yet and I’m ready to come.
“What did she say to him?”
“Well. . .first she told him to pretend she was there with him. I found that odd since up to that point they had never met. You’d think it would be a lot easier if he pretended there was someone there that he knew. Someone he knew really well. Don’t you think that’s what he should do Josh?”
“I guess,” I whisper, imagining my own little virtual Donnatella in my room with me. “What did she do next?”
“She told him to take his jeans and boxer shorts off because she wanted to touch all of him with nothing in-between them.”
“What if his jeans were already off and he just had his boxers on? What do you think she’d say to him then?”
”I think she’d tell him to stop dwelling on the specifics so much and to just take his boxers shorts off.”
”She sounds a bit pushy but she’s got a good point.” I pull my boxer shorts down with the hand that isn’t cradling the phone to my ear. What I would give for speakerphone in the bedroom. I push them down as far as I can and then slide them down to my ankles using my legs. “What were her next instructions, Donna?”
“She told him to touch himself but only lightly. He’s supposed to pretend that it’s her breath running along his erection. Do you think he could feel it?”
“Yeah,” I sigh, running my hand along my cock, following her instructions perfectly. “I think he is liking it a lot.”
“Good, cause it makes her happy to know he’s enjoying it.”
Dear lord. “What else did she say, Donna?”
“To touch his head lightly, imagining her there licking it with the tip of it with her tongue. Her tongue is soft and wet and she wants to taste him as much as he wants her. That’s when she slowly lowers herself over him and he feels her mouth surrounding him.”
I’ve never followed instructions so well in my life. She could tell me to rob a bank and give her all the money and I would. “Now what, Donna?”
“Now he has to wrap his hand around himself and pretend it was her own hand.” I imitate her words, pretending it’s her own smaller hands holding on to me right now. “He is supposed to stroke himself and think about her the whole time. Imagine her there with him; touching him, sucking him, riding him.”
“Oh god. . . .” Every word she says brings me closer to coming. I’m pretty sure I can’t hold this much longer. I keep pumping myself while trying to hold on to the phone with my other hand. “Donna,” I breathe, “what does she say to him when he’s almost there?”
She’s silent as I breathe into the phone, pumping myself and on the brink of exploding.
“Donna, please. . . .what is he suppose to do next?”
“He’s supposed to come for her. Come for me Joshua.”
And that’s it. I start to spasm and even with my eyes closed I can feel the room spinning. The bed is shaking way too much for only one person to be involved but I really don’t care. All I know is that I just experienced the most amazing sexual experience in my life that hasn’t actually involved intercourse. And to even to think of a better experience involving intercourse is a challenge.
Somewhere in-between her final words and me coming I managed to drop the phone. Which is disappointing because the thing I want to hear most after that is the immediate sound of Donna breathing in my ear. I grab the phone with my right hand and bring it to my ear. “Donna. . . . .” Jesus, what do I say now? I can’t thank her in words. I guess I could but as much as I enjoyed that, I now know the pain also involved of not being able to see and touch the person you want there so badly. I’d really hate for her to have to experience that, too.
Or at least that’s the excuse I’m going to use to get her over here so I can touch her.
“Donna?”
“Yes Josh?”
“Come over here now.”
* * * * *
I’m pacing the hall in front of Josh’s apartment. First, because I got over here in a sickingly short amount of time. There’s no need for me to look too eager. I went over the speed limit and I’m pretty sure I ran a red light by Dupont Circle. And shut up, I know exactly what you’re thinking.
I’m mainly out here because, well, what the hell am I doing? I went from Donna Moss, typical bored TV watcher, to Donnatella, phone sex operator extraordinaire. I mean, those things I said. I’m still not sure of all the things I said. For a while there I was in another world. Another world that mainly consisted of Josh’s bedroom. I can’t believe what I did, but boy, was it fun doing it.
I should really go home. I can go home and practice what I’m going to say to him next time I see him.
“Donna?”
Or I could start practicing right now.
“You should know right now that I’m on the pill.” Okay, that wasn’t exactly what intended on saying.
He’s leaning against the frame of his door. He’s put his boxer shorts back on which is a bit of a disappointment. Although, I assume walking around the halls of his building naked isn’t exactly encouraged by management. God, he looks good. He looks relaxed and extremely pleased. And all because of my voice. Who would of ever thought my endless yapping could actually be used for something so useful?
“Thanks for sharing, Donna. Any reason?”
“Well, I was telling you earlier how people in pornos never worry about contraception. I thought I’d bring it up now.”
“Okay. . . what are you doing out here?”
“Well,” I turn around in a circle, looking around the hall, “I was trying to remember what apartment was yours.”
“Donna, how many times have you been in my apartment?”
I hate it when he gets all rational on me. “Well, they all look alike. They’ve all got, you know, doors.”
He smiles. Oh god, I wonder if it’s possible to do him right here in the hall. The management may not approve of nudity but maybe they’re all for loud incredible sex. “Donna, you wanna come in?”
“You sure. . . .”
“Donna, I think I asked you to come over. And I also think you just announced your favorite form of sexual protection. So, yeah, you can definitely come in.”
“Actually, Josh,” I take a few steps towards the door. “You didn’t ask me to come over here, you told me to come over here. I think the exact words were, ‘come over here now.’ Rather demanding, don’t you think?”
“Are we going to start quoting each other now? Because if we are, I think I’ve got some memorable sound bites from your end of an earlier conversation.” I must be turning a hundred shades of red. “Now Donna. . .”
“Yeah?”
“Get in here now.” He extends an arm out and my feet somehow manage to start moving on their own. I enter his apartment and he shuts the door behind me. He turns the padlock and slips the chain over the door as if it’s some sort of representation of this entire situation. I’m locked in. There’s no escaping. Not that I’m even thinking of trying to get out of here now.
“Your very good at following instructions, Donna.” he says, turning around to face me.
“Yeah, well, I have lots of practice. And you shouldn’t be too modest, Josh. You’re pretty good at following intrusions yourself.”
“About that Donna, I wanted to thank you.” he takes a few steps closer to me but there’s still a distance between that can’t be more than inches but it feels like miles. If he doesn’t touch me soon I think I’m going to go insane.
“You don’t have to thank me Josh.”
“Oh yeah,” his eyes drop from my gaze and stare up and down my body. “You need to know how much I appreciated it. In fact, I’m going to show you.”
“Really?”
“Yeah,” he reaches out and places both of his hand behind my neck and draws me into him. “I think I’m going to show you at least twice.” I can feel his breath against my neck as he whispers into my ear.
I close my eyes and feel his lips on my neck and collarbone. His tongue lightly pressing against my skin as his hands roam around my back. It’s not until his hands cup my ass that I realize I’m doing nothing but soaking in this attention. I want to feel him and touch him like he’s touching me.
He’s pulling me into him tightly and I’m struggling to find the space to move my hands down his body. “Josh, I want to feel you.”
“Donna,” he moans into my neck, sending shivers through my entire body, “about that. . .”
“Josh, please. . .”
“I think you’re going to have to wait a little while for that.” He starts to untuck my shirt from my jeans.
“Why Josh?” I tilt my head back and he licks the small dent in my neck right underneath my chin.
“Donna,” he lifts his head up and looks me in the eyes. “You know how you were discussing earlier how all those guy in pornos are able to just do it over and over? Well let’s just say. . .”
Oh! “Ooooohhhh. . .well, okay.”
He smiles. “Believe me, I’ll be fine in a little bit. Actually, I’d usually be okay, but I. . . also earlier. . .before the phone thing.”
I nod my head and squint my eyes. “Really?”
“Yeah,” he grabs the two front loops of my jeans and pulls me into him again.
“From the scrambled porn, huh?”
“No,” he kisses me quickly on the lips and drops down to his knees, running his hands over the front of my body. “I was thinking about you in the shower.”
Wow.
“Josh,” I say, as he unbuttons my jeans.
“Yeah?”
“I think,” I manage to say. Speech is becoming more and more difficult. “I think I need to sit down.”
His head is underneath my shirt and his tongue is dipping in and out of my bellybutton. “You think?” His voice is barely audible, being muffled by the fabric of my shirt.
“I’m pretty sure if I don’t sit down I might just fall. I could injure myself and then I’d be of little use.”
“Okay,” he stands up, still leaving his hands under my shirt. They start ticking up the skin of my stomach until he’s tracing the outline of my bra with his fingertips. “Let’s go.”
“Josh,” His right hand has come out from under my shirt and is now unbuttoning my shirt. His left hand is tracing over my nipple through the lacy material of my bra.
“Yes Donna?”
“Were not moving.”
“You’re so observant sometimes.” He pinches my nipple and I grab the hand unbuttoning my shirt.
“I mean it.” I start pulling him towards the living room. “I want to enjoy this and not be worrying about falling on top of you.”
“You know,” he wraps his arms around me from behind as we enter the living room. “You could fall on top of me and I really wouldn’t mind. Now,” he stands me in front of the huge cushioned chair next to his couch. “Sit down.”
“So demanding.”
His eyes grow wide and he pushes against my shoulders. “Sit.”
I fall back into the chair and he drops down before me. I’ve sat on this chair hundreds of times in the past. It’s oversized and made out of this black material that feels like velvet. All the times I’ve been in this chair I never thought I’d be doing this. Well, maybe I kinda pretended I was doing this but I doubted it would ever actually happen.
He’s unbuttoning my shirt at an excruciatingly slow pace. Perhaps he’s working slower because he’s not actually looking at his work. I keep on staring at him and his eyes are locked in my view.
“What are you thinking about, Josh?”
“How beautiful you are.”
Just so we all know, I wasn’t just fishing for a compliment there. For all I know he could have been thinking about how bad the Mets season is so far.
“Sit up for a second.”
I obey his command and he pushes the shirt off my shoulders and arms, throwing it over his shoulder behind him. The entire time his eyes haven’t escaped my gaze. His hands cup my breasts and travel along the fabric of my bra until he reaches my back.
I realize what he’s trying to do. “It opens from the front,” I say, bringing my hands up to unclasp it.
“No,” he brushes my hands away, “let me do it, Donna. Let me do everything.”
I close my eyes as he unclasps my bra and releases my breasts into his waiting hands. I let the bra slip over my shoulders and arms and I can feel his breath over my right nipple. His breath alone is enough to harden it, but when he takes me into his mouth I’m sure my nipple has turned into stone hard enough to cut glass.
The entire time his hand is twisting and flicking my other nipple with his fingers. The combination of the twisting and the sucking makes me burn from the exact place his mouth is, all the way to the bottom of my stomach. His fingers stop moving and he lifts his mouth from me. I groan in disappointment until he lightly blows against the moist tip of my nipple. I open my eyes to find him staring at me.
“You’re killing me. You’ve got to stop.” I told him to stop? That was really quite silly of me.
“Stop what?” The cocky bastard grins.
“Please, Josh,” I push my hips towards him and lean back against the chair. “I need you.”
He leans over and catches my mouth in his. His tongue is swirling through my mouth and I press my hips into his lower torso. I’m desperate for any type of penetration against my clitoris. I squirm beneath him and he releases my mouth, letting his tongue slide along my lower lip.
“My, my,” he says, sitting up, “someone sure is getting antsy.”
I reach down and start to unzip my jeans. He grabs them quickly. “What did I say about letting me do everything?”
“Then do it, Josh.” I run my hands through his hair and push him down towards the fly of my jeans.
“Only because you’re so darn persistent.” He starts kissing the area right below my belly button and I swear it’s going to take forever for him to get to my jeans. His tongue is flicking slowly down my skin and every time I think we’ve made a little progress he comes back up a little. My hands are running through his hair in some sort of attempt to make him go faster. He finally reaches the top of my jeans and he does something I’ve seen, well, only in a porno. He unzips my jeans with his teeth.
“Well, that was impressive.” He’s puling down on my jeans to reveal my already soaked panties.
He shrugs his shoulders as I kick my sandals across the floor so he can pull my jeans all the way off. He throws them over his shoulder and they land on top of my shirt. “It’s not that difficult.”
“Yeah, but I’ve never had a guy do that to me before.”
“Donna,” he laces his fingers through the opposite sides of my panties and starts to pull them down. I lift my hips to help him along with the process. “I’m going to do things to you no guy has done before.”
“Guy? What about a girl?”
He gives me a serious stare and I can tell he’s holding back a smile. “I don’t even want to know.” A grin creeps over his face. “Well, I do but you can save that for some other phone call.”
“Okay. . .”
He grins at me again and pulls my panties off my legs. He lifts my left leg up to his shoulder and lightly kisses the skin under my knee. I’m unbearably sensitive there and I instinctively thrust my hips towards him. He places a hand on my stomach to stop me. “Not so fast, Donna.”
He starts kissing up my inner thigh until he reaches where my leg and hipbone meet. I think he’s finally going to relieve me of this pressure building throughout my entire body. Instead, though, he repeats the whole process with my other leg.
He alternates between kissing and sucking as his other hand swirls around the skin of my stomach, creeping slowly down towards my center. I feel like I’m actually going to explode by the time he reaches the top of my right inner thigh. He positions both my legs over his shoulders and I can feel his breath against me.
I run my hands through his hair and push him into me. “Now Josh.”
For once he doesn’t relent and I feel his lips press against me. I spasm at the first touch, but he pushes my hips down to control me. He’s kissing me and licking me, and the moment his tongue finds my clit I grab at him so hard that I think I’m going to pull all his hair out.
“Sorry,” I moan.
He doesn’t come up but I can feel him smile and laugh against my skin. He resumes flicking his tongue against me as his hand runs across my inner thigh, pushing it slightly so I won’t totally engross him with my legs.
His tongue leaves my clit and I moan in disappointment until I feel him dive his tongue inside me. He pushes it slowly in and out and it’s the most amazing feeling. It’s soft and warm and leaves me on the brink of exploding right over his tongue.
“Oh god, Josh. . .”
He returns once more to my clit and I can’t take it anymore. I start to tremble as he sucks on me, and I pull his head into me, bucking my hips against him.
“Don’t stop. Please don’t stop.” I’m so loud that I swear the entire neighborhood is being woken with me acting as their alarm.
I start moaning his name over and over and every time it escapes my lips I can feel him pressing into me even more. My orgasm takes over and I throw my head back against the chair as hard as I can. My heels are pressing against Josh’s back so hard that I swear I must be bruising his skin.
The tremors subside and Josh presses against my knees, opening my legs even more. He’s licking and kissing every inch of my wet skin. I’m now incredibly sensitive but even if I wanted to, I don’t think I have the physical strength to stop him. He places my feet down on the floor and starts pulling me down off the chair. He kisses the area above my pelvic bone and then my stomach as he pulls me down even farther.
My body finally reaches the floor and we’re both on our knees, facing each other. I run my hands through Josh’s hair, mimicking the movement I was doing earlier. Only this time I place my mouth against his and his tongue drives into my mouth. My handsstart moving down his face and down to his chest, over his tee shirt, where I let my hands roam around his pectoral muscles.
My hands snake down to the top of his boxers and I painfully rip my mouth away from his.
“You think you’re ready now, Josh?” I ask as I slip my hand under the waistband of his boxers.
* * * * *
Am I ready? Ha. . .I’ve been mentally ready since the first moment I saw her. Physically I think I’ve been ready since I pushed her down on the chair, her huge blue eyes staring back at me, begging me to touch her.
“Donna. .” I moan as she wraps her hands around me and nuzzles her face into my neck.
As she runs her fingernails along the length of my erection and I remember how only about an hour ago I was imagining her doing the same exact things she’s doing now. Phone sex, as exciting and kinky as it is, has not a thing on the real thing.
She removes her hand from under my boxers and starts slowly lifting my shirt. As much as I’d like to take this slow I’m pretty sure certain parts of my anatomy won’t be able to handle it. I grab the bottom hem of my tee shirt and lift it over my head.
She pushes softly against my chest with the palms of her hands. “Excuse me?”
“What” I grin. Maybe she won’t hurt me if I smile.
“Why do you think you can take forever to get me ready - -”
“It was ten minutes tops, Donna.”
“But still. . .” She looks at me and gives me a pouty look.
“Don’t be difficult.” I lean over and suck on her lower lip.
She pulls away from me and starts to kiss a line along my jawbone and she lightly bites on my earlobe. “What if I want to be difficult?”
“You can be as difficult as you want later. Right now I need you. I want to be inside of you as soon as possible.” I wrap my hands around her ass and pull her into me, grinding against her hips.
“Oooooh. . .that feels so good. Okay, I won’t be difficult.” See, I knew that would work. Her fingers run down my side and she starts to push my boxers shorts down. “How do you want to do this Josh?”
“You know, I’m thinking any way would work right about now.”
She slides my boxers down around my knees and starts running her hands along my chest. “When you were in the shower and you were imagining me, what was I doing?”
Her hands have made their way up to my mouth and she runs her fingertips along my lips. “You. . .you were on top of me.” She sticks her finger in my mouth and I start sucking on it.
“And when I was on the phone with you, talking to you, how were you imagining me then?” She takes her finger out of my mouth and kisses me gently on the lips.
“You were. . .oh, god. . .” She’s circling her finger around the head of my cock with her moist finger. I close my eyes and I can almost see the mental image of her in my mind as I was imaging her earlier. “You were riding me too then, Donna.”
“Well then,” I moan as she removes her hands from me and starts backing up on her knees. “I think we only have one option. Get on the chair, Josh.”
I’m not going to point it out to her, but she did say she wasn’t going to be demanding. That was demanding but I kinda liked it.
I’m literally crawling across the floor to her. There’s really no faster way to get from point A to point B when you have a pair of boxer shorts around your knees and you’re in the physical state I’m currently in. She pulls the boxers down around my ankles and off my feet as I climb into the chair.
Hmmm. . .comfy.
She’s sitting before me and she starts kneading her fingernails into my thighs.
“Donna,” I moan, lacing my fingers through hers. “Please come up here.”
“In a minute, Josh.” She removes her hands from mine and starts raking them along my chest. She leans over and places her lips around my cock, breathing lightly on its head.
It’s absolutely impossible to understand how something so light and so airy can have such a monumental effect on me. I groan as her mouth lowers over me and I start running my hands through her hair. “Donna. . .”
My feet press against the floor, which forces my hips to rise. I push into her mouth and she doesn’t relent, engulfing me in her mouth even more than I thought was possible. “Now, Donna. . .please.”
She pulls up, raking her teeth along my length. She climbs into my lap at an agonizingly slow pace. I grab her hands and place them on my shoulders. “Hold on, okay?
She nods and I can feel how wet she is as she rubs against me for the first time. Her head falls back a bit and she starts to moan. She hovers right over the head of my cock and lowers her hips so I’m slightly pushing into her. “I want you inside of me so much.”
I put my hands on her hips, pushing her down over me, and I slam up to meet her. She screams and closes her eyes. For a moment I think I might have done it too fast, too hard, and that I’ve hurt her. “I’m sorry, Donna.”
“No,” she opens her eyes and smiles. “It’s fine. Just a little surprising.”
“You’re okay?”
“Yeah. . .” she presses her hands into my shoulders, using them to help her lift and lower her hips over mine.
“God, you feel so good.”
“So do you.” She bites her lip as I start to push my hips up to meet her. “Do you want me to move faster, Josh?”
“Yeah. . .” I close my eyes as she starts moving faster and faster. She tenses her muscles around me and I want to release myself inside of her, but yet I want this feeling to last forever.
She squeezes against me again. “Are you close Josh?”
I think I manage to grunt something and nod my head “Josh,” she leans over and kisses the side of my face before quickly sitting up again. “Josh, open your eyes. Watch us.”
Her words alone are enough to make me come but I have to look at her. To see her doing what was for the longest time just a fragment of my imagination. She looks perfect doing this, even with her hair disheveled and sweat forming all over her body. “Donna,” I grab on to her hips and start lifting her over me. “Donna, come with me.”
“Josh. . .”
“No,” I say, resuming my grinding against her. “I want to see you come. I need to see you.”
She leans down to my mouth and forcefully rips into me with her tongue. She starts rocking against me even harder than before and I start sucking her tongue at the same pace of her thrusting hips.
She starts moaning against my mouth and I pull away from her, wanting to hear every sound that comes from her. Wanting her to scream as loud as she wants and not caring who the hell hears her. “Come on Donna.”
“God Josh. . .” She grabs one of my hands from her hips and brings it up to her mouth “Help me Josh,” she says, licking my finger.
I draw an invisible line with my hand down her neck, and in between her breasts and stomach, until I reach the area where our flesh meets. I flick my finger against her clit and it’s like touching the starter button of a bomb for both of us. She starts to spasm over me and I know it’s only seconds before I’m joining her. She’s screaming and moaning and I swear I’ve never heard anything so beautiful.
She leans forward a little bit, changing the angle of our hips and that’s all it takes. I push my hands down on her upper thighs and I slam into her one last time, spilling inside of her. As I tremble inside her she leans down kisses me softly on the lips.
“That was good, Josh,” she mumbles into my lips.
“Yeah, it was.”
*
She’s still sitting on top of me even though our pace has stilled. I’m holding on to her hands and pulling them into my chest as hard as I can. I don’t want to let go of her. If I let go of her I’m afraid I’ll never get her back ever again.
“Josh, we - -”
“Shhh. . .Donna, just stay there. Just stay right there forever and I’ll be happy.”
“I think I’m going to have to move eventually. Actually,” she looks down and around where our hips meet, “I think I’m going to have to move real soon.”
“Okay,” I say, lifting her off of me and pulling her up into the chair next to me. I finally know why I bought the chair. It’s just big enough for a naked Donna to curl up next to me. “You can move from this spot but you’re never allowed to put clothes on again.”
“I’m not too sure they’ll let me walk around the office with no clothes on.” She wraps her arms around me and puts her chin down on my shoulder.
“You’ll hear no objections from my end of the bullpen. Or. . . we could get you a new career in the adult film industry. Then the nudity would be no problem.” I smile at my own little perverted thought.
“But I’d be having sex with other men.”
“Or,” I lower my voice to a whisper and raise my eyebrows, “other women.”
“Dream on Joshua.”
I grab her leg and throw it over my lap, hanging it over the side of the chair. “It was worth a shot. I did learn today that it never hurts to ask.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I originally asked you about the equipment thing and then I called you to inspire you to watch porn.”
“You’re taking full credit for this whole thing?”
“Well,” I run my hand along her leg and start rubbing her thigh. “Maybe not full credit.”
“That’s better.” She starts to rub her hand down my chest and kisses my ear.
“I also would have to thank you roommate’s cousin, Lou.”
She laughs into my ear. “And a one time low price of ninety five dollars. But, need I also remind you that it was me who got you all hot and bothered on the phone earlier?’
“No, no, I think I can remind myself of that all on my own. In fact, I plan to do so all day long tomorrow.”
“You have a phone conference with Senator Miller at nine a.m. I beg you not to be thinking about it then.”
“I dunno, Donna, he’s got a sexy voice.”
“If he shows up in your office after your phone call, and you lock him in there, I’m going to get very worried.”
Although I should probably be disturbed by such an image, I start to laugh. It’s weird how you can go years with knowing someone and in an evening filled with porno and phone sex it can all change. It’s even odder how I can sit here right now with her naked body wrapped around me and I’m still making stupid jokes and she’s still making me laugh. Everything is like it always is.
Well, I guess except for the fact that she’s naked, I’m naked, and we just had sex. Amazing sex that I’m going to be thinking about the entire time I’m talking to Senator Miller and through everything I do tomorrow.
She’s kissing the skin on my shoulder and twisting her finger through my hair. I turn my face towards her and kiss her forehead. “You want to stay over?”
“Okay.”
“Come on.” I unwrap her leg from around me and pull us both off the chair.
“I’ll need to get up early so I can go home and get ready.” She starts grabbing all our discarded clothes from the floor.
“That means it’s a definite no on the naked at work thing, huh?”
“Yep,” she throws my boxers at me, “I’m afraid so.”
“That’s okay.” I grab her hand and we start towards my bedroom. “I still have Senator Miller to look forward to.”
* * * * *
I pick up the phone and dial into Josh’s office the moment I see the light on his extension go dim.
“That Miller just drives me crazy.”
“You gotta stop doing that, Josh. What if I was Leo phoning you?”
“He’s got a pretty sexy voice, too, but I think Senator Miller likes me.”
“Josh, he’s seventy two and walks with a cane.”
“Donna, turn around.” I pivot in my chair and see Josh standing at the door, the phone cord extended from his desk. “It’s all about what he can do with that cane, Donna.”
Okay, so I totally walked into that one. I roll my eyes and smile at him. “So, Josh, before I left my house this morning I was looking at the TV guide.”
“Uh-huh.”
He’s leaning against the doorframe and it reminds me of when I first arrived at his apartment last night. I have this sudden urge to run over and rip his clothes off, but although Josh doesn’t seem to have a problem with me walking around here naked, someone might protest to me doing him in the middle of the bullpen.
“Guess what’s on tonight?”
“Ummm. . . .Oh, the Village People Behind the Music?”
“No. . .”
“What then?”
“They seem to have made a sequel to your favorite movie.”
“A sequel to a porn movie? I’m shocked at such a concept.”
“So, you want to come over?”
He smiles. “Well, I did have plans with a certain Senator but I could possibly can- -”
“Josh. . .”
“Yes Donnatella?”
“Get in your office.”
“There you go with that demanding thing again.”
“Just get in there,” I say through clenched teeth. He lingers at the door for a moment, smiling at me, and then pivots on his heels and enters his office. “Close the door.”
The door slams shut very quickly and I laugh. “Josh. . .”
“Uh-huh?”
“Talk dirty to me.”